Posts tagged as:

McGuinness

McG Hourman II

July 15, 2009

Hourman’s power is that he takes a pill that makes him awesome for one hour at a time. Seriously. Maybe he should consider playing for the San Francisco Giants. Yeah, that’s right, Bonds! I’m callin’ you out! You and me, right here, right now!
So Hourman’s on the junk. Who cares? So is 75% of the [...]

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McG Two-Face

July 15, 2009

Two-Face has got to be the biggest lie in all of comics. Why? Because the guy has two half-faces, not two faces. And two halves make a whole. So he’s really One Face. Then again, isn’t everyone? That’s like joker calling himself Ten Fingernails or the Riddler One Waist. I guess I can see the [...]

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McG Green Lantern, Tomar-Tu

July 15, 2009

Tomar-Tu. How best to descibe this guy? Hm. Well, first you take a fish. An orange fish. And then you put a parrot beak on him. Or maybe it’s a squid beak. Regardless. Then you give him a big-ass headfin. Kinda like a swordfish. After that, you give him ears that looks like Prince Charles [...]

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McG Zoom

July 11, 2009

Yellow figures sure do photograph well against black. Hm.
Anyway, Zoom is one of those bad guys who thought, “How can my name strike fear into the heart of my foes? Ah, I know…onomatopoeia!” That’d be like Wolverine being knows as Snikt. Or Hawkgirl as Flap. Or Natalie Wood as Gurgle.
Too soon?
How about Benjamin Guggenheim? There. [...]

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McG Wonder Woman

July 11, 2009

Wonder Woman has been portrayed as either the second-most powerful figure in the DC Universe (next to Superman) or a chick with a rope and a jet. I prefer the first interpretation. I mean, don’t get me wrong…chicks with ropes and jets are okay in my book, but really, what else do you bring to [...]

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McG Wildcat

July 11, 2009

Duke has the Blue Devil. The University of Kentucky has this guy. For my favorite college team, the Arkansas Razorbacks, we get a stupid-ass Marvel character who’s a goddamned truck driver and wears a giant pig on his head. No lie. Hogs haven’t looked so undignified since they were mired in a custody battle between [...]

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McG Tyr

July 11, 2009

Tyr has the craziest origin ever. Basically, Lou Gosset, Jr. was working on his wood chipping farm one day, got his arm caught in a combine, and replaced it with a giant laser. Oh, and he grew a mohawk.
No, that’s not quite true. Although if he did, I’d sure as hell go rent me some [...]

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